Other children’s mums sleep late on school days. Not me. I am awake at the crack of sparrows fart.
Other children’s mums are in bed while their little ones get their own breakfast cereal, pack their bags, gather their belongings, brush their teeth. Not me. I am always diligent. Ohhh, yeah.
Other children’s mums wake up late, shower late, and drive their kids to school wearing track pants, a t shirt with no bra, slippers and sport wet hair and no make up. Not me. I look like model material everyday. Oh yes, and I am *always* perfectly dressed. Immaculate, that’s me.**
Today, I turned into one of those other children’s mums.
I am sure this happened because I took 4 nurofen in the middle of the night to ease my back pain.
So how come:
Other children’s mums do not get stopped for a breathalyser on the way home, on a 4 lane main road just a few streets from home?
How come other children’s mums remember to carry their wallet that contains their drivers licence and ID?
How come other children’s mums do not have to explain to the nice policeman that they cannot get out of the car because they are in purple fluffy slippers, a white tee-shirt with no bra underneath, and baggy track pants?
How come other children’s mums do not feel guilty and stress over the breathalyser in case it reads positive even though the closest they have been to alcohol is the wine in last nights risotto?
How come other children’s mums don’t get so nervous with all this that they cannot look the nice policeman in the eye, begin to sweat and shake and experience heart palpitations, therefore looking like they are guilty of some heinous crime and have a wanted felon hiding in their boot?
How come other children’s mums do not have to endure one of those sweet police people being the father of one of the children she teaches in her class each week, and hope like hell he does not recognise her!!!?
Being an other child’s mum sucks.
** I am allowed to be perfect. Just for this post. All snorting can stop now, thanks.
Oh no!!! Freaky Wednesday, huh?
That is hilarious. Other children’s mums would not have amused me so…
Oh, Alice. Suddenly I feel sooooo much better. All I did was slip on a frog!
I’m the mother that walks out of K-mart and trips the flashing blue lights and bells on the ‘shop lifter catcher thingy.’ And then stands there, redfaced, while they go over my receipt, only to find that a video has not been demagnetized…as my husband’s ex watches, smirking. I understand the guilty feeling even though you’ve not stolen a thing. It’s because everyone is LOOKING.
How come other people’s Mum’s don’t throw on a sarong (JUST a sarong) when running desperately late to get the kids to school, drive over a pothole, only to find she has a flat tyre AFTER the kids have left the car?
How come other people’s Mums don’t have to walk barefoot in a sarong TO THE SCHOOL OFFICE to call the NRMA?
*ahem* I can TOTALLY sympathise…
:)
Tracey, it was not at all hilarious at the time. ;)
debby and Kerry, kindred spirits are we. I don’t know who murphy was, but his law stays close by me some days. Laughing at your stories – with you, not at you!
jeanie, freaky indeed…
lmao – an excellent addition to the screw up files ;)
I’ll be back!
Other moms do it all the time! That’s why!! It was an aberration for you, therefore you suck at it. Be glad!
Now I don’t feel so bad about dragging J.T. through a store with no make-up on, a bathing suit under my clothes while he is wearing sandals 2 sizes too small. If only he had put his sandals where they go, I wouldn’t have had to buy an emergency pair of cheap flip flops for the waterpark!
I was once stopped for ‘choking an intersection’. My eyes became glued to the huge gun, at crotch level, on the policeman’s hip. I was so terrorised I couldn’t speak, & gibbered like some imbecile, as my face flooded with red.
Omg, that is so funny!
I always run into those parents at the shopping centre when I’ve just ducked in for milk or bread and when I’m having a bad hair day, slopping around in trackie dacks and generally look awful! Lol!
And I have been stopped for a breath-test on the way to work one morning and I just looked at the guy and went…’You have got to be kidding’! To which he continued to tell me how many people he finds drunk at that time of day! Noice!
Thanks Bettina.
melinda, your story (and the blog post) cracked me up. The mental imagery! Ha!
meggie – impressive memory. Was the view as impressive? Not the gun, either!
brissiemum, I got that spiel too. There must be a lot of people who have gin on their rice bubbles!
Oh dear…
giggle
Suddenly I’m glad I normally start work at 7am, otherwise I’m sure I’d be one of those ‘other children’s mums’.
Hee Hee. sorry. didn’t mean to laugh. I think you should’ve got out the car, slurred your words, wobbled a bit and then produced a 0.00 on the breathalyzer.