29 years ago, when I was but a babe, I fell in love.
27 years ago, I broke your heart.
2 days ago, you found me via Facebook.
You were my first real love. Yours was the first family to embrace me, welcome me, call me a daughter long before it was made formal that yes, we would marry. One day.
I was young, I hadn’t lived.
In the 2 years we were together, my body had matured, but my head had yet to catch up.
And, as is the way of the young, my eyes were attracted to other shiny, pretty things. And when another handsome prince came galloping along, I was tempted.
Unlike other princes that had passed my way, he was new in town. He was fresh, he held a promise of the mysterious and new. And, ashamed as I am to tell you, I fell. Head over heels over 20 year old bubble brained nonsense, I fell.I am as ashamed of this now as I was when it happened.
But happen it did.
Telling you was awful. I begged, you pleaded. I cried, you swore. I ran, you drove away in a cloud of squealing tires laced with angry swerves.
You know those weddings, where the celebrant utters “Should anyone object” and everyone looks at the one person who should object? I had one of those. Like the gentleman, you didn’t object. You weren’t there. You were at the pub, drinking yourself a new memory.
I heard years later that you married an heiress and had moved to a sheep farm in New Zealand. I lived in a 2 bedroom duplex, trekking in and out of work and University. I made ends meet while you presided over acreage.
As years passed, I heard less about you. The rose tint on my glass faded and cracks appeared, frissons of discontent as I grew, finally, my head meeting my body in maturity and understanding that this, well, this was my life.
My marriage lasted 5 years. I found out today that yours did too. Does that fall into the category of irony? Probably not. It probably means that we simply took the same amount of time to grow up and realise what we really wanted was more than we thought we wanted, and that what we got was more than we had bargained for.
I have never apologised for the hurt I caused you, for breaking your heart. I never realised how I hurt you, until years had passed. By then, it was too late.
I can say it now.
I am sorry.
I wish you well. More than you will ever know.